BOOK REVIEW: MARATHI BOOK फिन्द्री

फिन्द्री

लेखक सुनीता बोर्डे

एका उपेक्षित समाजाच्या एका गरीब, व्यसनात राख झालेल्या कुटुंबाची कहाणी आणि त्याच राखेतून एक ठिणगी उठते, ती ठिणगी शिक्षणाची, ती ठिणगी प्रवाहाच्या विरुद्ध जाण्याची, ती ठिणगी जगण्याची!!! 

सुनीता बोर्डेचं फिन्द्री म्हणजे एका नकुशी झालेल्या मुलीची गोष्ट, त्या काळातली गोष्ट जेव्हा स्त्री ही नकुशी होती. आई म्हणून हवी, बायको म्हणून हवी, पण मुलगी म्हणून आपल्या पोटाला नको. मग संगीचं आयुष्य सुरू झालं तेच जन्मदात्याच्या शिवी पासून. खायला अन्न नाही, अंगावर पुरेसा कापड नाही तिथे शिक्षणाची काय सोय, पण संगीची आई भलती जिद्दी आणि पक्क्या निर्धाराची. सारं जग विरुद्ध गेलं तरी चालेल पण मुलीला शिकवायचं हे प्रण घेतलेली. या कादंबरीत जात, धर्म, पितृसत्ता (patriarchy), लिंगभेद, स्त्री संघर्ष, स्त्रीचं आर्थिक परावलंबन ह्या सर्व गोष्टीचें अनेक पैलुंचे चित्रण आहे. या कादंबरीत संवादात महाराष्ट्रातील मराठवाडा प्रदेशातील अति ग्रामीण भागातील बोलीभाषेचा पैलू लेखनात दिसून येतो. 

कादंबरीतील काही टिपलेले वाक्य

* गरजेच्या तिव्रतेवर माणसाचे वागणेच नव्हे , तर भाषादेखील अवलंबून असते हेच खरं!

* जास्त आनंदात जसा माणूस फक्त मातृभाषाच बोलतो तसा दुःखात, भीतीमध्ये देखील तो मातृभाषा बोलतो!

*भूक हाच जगातला सर्वव्यापी धर्म असतो, म्हणूनच स्वतः भुकेला कोणताच धर्म नसतो. खरं तर जगात भुकेएवढं धर्मनिरपेक्ष कुणीच नाही!

* पुढे चालून लक्षात आलं माणसांच्या जातीपेक्षा शब्दांच्या जाती वेगळ्या असतात! माणसं जशी जातीवरून भांडतात,

तसे शब्द भांडत नाहीत. माणसासारखा शब्दांना एकमेकांचा बाट होत नाही, शब्दांच्या जाती-जातीत जातीवरून दंगे होत नाहीत. उलट, एका रांगेत एकमेकांच्या शेजारी बसून वाक्याला अर्थ देतात. अशीच वाक्य जीवनाला अर्थ देतात. माणसांच्या जातीपेक्षा शब्दांच्या जाती खरंच शहाण्या असतात!

BOOK REVIEW: पानगळीचं झाड

 पानगळीचं झाड

लेखक: रत्नाकर मतकरी

पानगळीचं झाड हे रत्नाकर मतकरी लिखित पुस्तक ही एक सत्य कथा आहे. 1960-70 च्या दशकातली. एका मासिकात एका समाजसेवकाची कथा मतकरी यांनी वाचली.त्या समाजसेवकाने आपली प्रतिष्ठीत नोकरी सोडून कुष्ठरोग्याना मुख्य प्रवाहात आणण्यासाठी केलेले प्रयत्न आणि एका तरुणीची कुष्ठरोगातून झालेली मुक्तता, तिचं पुनर्वसन आणि नंतर समाजापुढे आदर्श म्हणून त्याने तिच्याशीच केलेलं लग्न यावर ती कथा होती. ही कथा वाचल्यावर त्यांना ती विलक्षण वाटली म्हणून त्यांनी स्वतः पुण्यात जाऊन त्या जोडप्याची भेट घेतली आणि त्यांचा प्रवास रचनात्मक पद्धतीने या पुस्तकात मांडला.

हे पुस्तक दोन भागात समजून घेता येईल.

पहिला भाग नायिकेच्या म्हणजे 'बेटी' च्या आयुष्याच्या. एस.एस.सी. च्या परीक्षे नंतर लगेच लग्न करून संसार करावा अशी स्वप्न रंगावणारी ती, तिच्या आयुष्यात भूकंप आला जेव्हा तिला कळालं की तिच्या आयुष्यात कधीही रंगच्या छटा असूच शकत नाही. तिला कुष्ठरोग झालंय! घरात वडिलांच्या व्यक्तिरिक्त इतर व्यक्तीनी आणि समाजाने केलेली घृणा सहन न झाल्याने ती कुटुंब सोडून कुष्ठरोगी वसाहतीमध्ये ती राहायला जाते. मानसिक आणि शारिरीक रित्या पूर्णतः खचून गेलेली असते. कुष्ठरोगामुळे होणारी अंगाची लाही, होण्याऱ्या reactions, जखमा हे वाचलं तरी अंगावर काटा येईल, ती ते सगळं सहन करत होती! असंच ती आयुष्याचा एक एक दिवस ढकलत होती.

दुसरा भाग म्हणजे एक शिकलेला तरुण, शिकून उस्मानाबाद जिल्ह्यात एक खेडेगावात शिक्षकाची नोकरी करत असतो. त्या गावात कुष्ठरोग्यांच्या संख्या बऱ्याच प्रमाणात असते. ह्या भीतीने तो बदलीसाठी निष्फळ प्रयत्न करतो. अश्यात एक कुष्ठरोग्याशी जणू त्याची गट्टी जमते. कुष्ठरोगी सुद्धा माणसंचं आहेत आणि त्यांना ही निरोगी माणसांइतकाच जगण्याचा हक्क आहे ह्याची त्याला जाणीव होते. बरेच दिवस या गोष्टींचा विचार करून तो आपला आयुष्य अश्या लोकांच्या सेवेत घालवायचं अस ठरवतो आणि नोकरीचा राजीनामा देतो. तिथून त्याचा प्रवास त्याच कुष्ठरोगी वसाहती मध्ये येऊन ठेपतो जिथे 'बेटी' आहे.

मग पुढे सुरू होतो तो 'त्यांचा' प्रवास...त्याने अभिभावक म्हणून तिला दिलेला धीर, जगण्याची उमेद, बरी होण्याचा आत्मविश्वास आणि साथ. मग तिची झुंज त्या असहाय्य वेदनांशी, Guinea Pig असल्या सारख औषधांचे experiments, त्यातून होणारे reactions, देवासारखे भेटलेले Dr. Rao, मग मुंबईच्या leprosy केअर सेंटर मध्ये झालेले उपचार आणि शेवटी तिची रोगातून मुक्तता. सरते शेवटी बरेच वर्षांनी त्या दोघांची भेट!!!

आपण प्रत्येक व्यक्ती पण पानगळीचं झाड असतो का? आयुष्याचा कालचक्र चालू असतो, बहर येतो, नवी पानं फुटतात, मग फुलतात, मग पानं पिकतात, मग पानगळ होते मग पाऊस येतो मग पुन्हा नवी पानं फुटतात....

P.S. : रत्नाकर मतकरी यांचे मे 2020 मध्ये कोरोना मुळे निधन झाले. त्यांना विनम्र अभिवादन.

BOOK REVIEW: FALLING APART SUCHITA BHATTACHARYA

 Falling Apart by Suchitra Bhattacharya translated by Rani Ray Srishm.

It is a story of two families based in Kolkata. These two families are related to each other and the author wants to subtly highlight the shift of value based system to superficial consumerist and money oriented way of life. One family is of a corrupt government official Chandan and his wife Anuradha, their son Raja and Chandan's mother Pratibha. Second family is that of Chandan's sister Lajwanti aka Laju married to Satyaki. Satyaki who is into politics and construction business is blatant to engage in earning easy money. Anuradha is proud of her husband Chandan and turns a blind eye to his unethical means of earning money. However exception is Laju who believes and sticks to her ideals and so is not happy with Satyaki and his bad money and company too and finally leaves him and wants their marriage to end. Raja, Chandan and Anuradha's son who undergoes tremendous pressure from his mother for achieving results in exams also becomes aware of incoming of easy money, his father's indulging into addiction and womanizing and ultimately suffers from hysteria and exhibits violent behaviour in the examination hall which results in his expulsion. It is after this that Anuradha realises that this is the pain that has come because of burying the ideals and that they have been intoxicated by ideas of achievements, money, status and so on.

Often in life we all somehow come across these situations...when we all think why seek truth when it's so easy to live a life of lies but we fail to understand that truth is relentless.

P.S.: I haven't like the way it is translated. It could have been done much better. And the proof reading should have been done better. Typos and spelling mistakes really are a turnoff!!!!

BOOK REVIEW: सुखाचा शोध

सुखाचा शोध

- वि. स. खांडेकर

वि. स. खांडेकर ह्यांच्या लेखणीशी मी connect करू शकते. सुखाचा शोध वाचायला घेतलं आणि पुन्हा एकदा त्यांच्या लेखणीशी connect व्हायला मिळालं. कथेचा नायक आनंद याची कुटुंब ऋणाची भावना, उषा या नायिकेला आत्महत्या करण्यापासून परावृत्त करून तिला घरी आणने आणि उषाने आनंदाने आनंदाचे आभार मानत, मनातून प्रेम, प्रेम काय त्याची भक्ती करणे हाच जणू तिचा धर्म आहे असं मानून त्याच्या घरावर आणि कुटुंबावर प्रेम करणे, अश्यातून आनंदाचा मोठा भाऊ अप्पाराव संसारात विलास नसलेला पण समाजसेवेचा नाटक मांडणारा आनंदाचं लग्न ठरवतो ते माणिकशी. माणिक कोण तर पुरुष वजा अप्पारावच. नाटकीय स्त्रीवादी स्वभाव, गरज म्हणून केलेलं लग्न, आनंदाच्या प्रेमाचा एक तुषारही तिला भोगता आला नाही, इतकी ती रुक्ष कशी लिहिली वि.स. नी! आनंदाचा सुख कुटुंबात, उषाचं आनंदा मध्ये, आणि माणिकचं सुख कशात हेच तिला ठरवता आलेलं नाही...कथे मध्ये इतके सुंदर रित्या व्यक्ती रेखाटने आणि वाचताना कुठेही आपण एकही character चा हात सोडला नाही... सगळ्यांसोबत आहोत असंच वाटणं हे माझ्यासाठी वि.स. च्या कदंबऱ्यांमध्ये होतं. सगळे characters आई, अप्पा, आनंद, उषा, माणिक, धनंजय, चंचला जणू प्रत्येकाला एक clear drafted identity दिलीये. शब्द गुंफणे आणि त्याची एक सुंदर माळ होणे आणि त्या माळेचा कधीही अंत होऊ नये असं त्या कादंबरीच्या शेवटच्या टप्प्यात वाटतं...हीच जादू आहे वि.सं. ची!

BOOK REVIEW: The Boy in the Stripped Pyjamas by John Boyne

The Boy in the Stripped Pyjamas by John Boyne

A story that dates back to Hitler ruled Germany. A story of a boy, Bruno who is son of a Commandant in Hitler's army. Bruno and his family leaves a comfort life in Berlin as a result of his father's job. He has been asked to take charge of a place Out-With (as spelt by Bruno)which is actually Auschwitz. Auschwitz was the largest Nazi concentration camp built during the WW II. These camps were set to imprison and exterminate people across Europe in the name of cultural cleansing.

Now this boy Bruno always watches the people on the other side of the fence, the prisoners but poor soul did not understand that they were prisoners and they were there because of his father's instructions. He wondered if people from the other side too had families and they stayed in huts happily on the other side. Life in Out-With becomes very boring for Bruno as he misses everything he has left back in Berlin. And he now tries to adapt to the new life and accept the fact that he might not return to Berlin. So everyday he starts exploration in and around the house. He walks along the fence everyday and one day he finds a boy Shmuel, same age as him but weak and sad, imprisoned along with his family. They talk to each other and find out that both share their birth date. A year passes in the same routine, both the boys sharing their past lives and hoping to return to their home. For me this care and affection they have for each other is essence of this book. After a year Brunos father, the commandant realises that his wife, daughter and Bruno aren't very happy in this place and decides to send them back to Berlin. Bruno is happy for the return but sad for he'll miss his friend. The boys decide to meet one last time. But the day they decide this Shmuel seems very unhappy as he is unable to find his father anywhere in the camp. Bruno wants to help him one last time to find his father and he can do this only by crossing over and going to the other side of the fence. He wears a striped pyjamas uniform trying to resemble as a prisoner. Suddenly then the workers order MARCH. The boys are unable to understand the command. By this time they are pushed into a dark room, Bruno thinking it as a shelter to protect against heavy rains. They hold each others hand and promise to be best friends for life. Little did the innocent souls know, where they were pushed into. After that Brunos family tries searching him for years in hope that he would return one day!

BOOK REVIEW: OUR MOON HAS BLOOD CLOTS

 Imagine home! Your home, your family, your things, all that belongs to you and one day you are forced to leave them all and go! Where to? Anywhere on earth...Just go away and live or die!

It hurts! It pains! It wrecks your heart! It tears you apart...Isn't it?

Such was life of Kashmiri Pandits for decades. Homeless in their own land. Our moon has blood clots is a memoir, untold story of Kashmiri Pandits in 1990's and later, written by Rahul Pandita, a Kashmiri Pandit. He was 14 years of age when his family was forced to leave his home in Srinagar. He narrates the stories of exile of Kashmiri Pandits, the horrific incidents of brutal murders, bloodshed, killings of Pandits. He also narrates the stories of torturous incidents the families went through after leaving their land. The memoir narrates the fight of the Kashmiri Pandits to live! The fight to exist! The fight to be!

BOOK REVIEW: BOOKSHOP BY THE SEA

When it's a dream of Sophie, and Aiden wants it to come true!

The book revolves around the central character i.e. Sophie whose dream is to own a bookshop in Piper's Cove. She has spent her life till now in the role of a mother to her siblings after their mother died. Her father has left all the three children to Gods mercy. He is alive yet absent in their life. The siblings grow up to have their own journey, have settled in their life but have taken Sophie for granted and considered always available for them. And Sophie is carrying out all the responsibilities happily without any burden until one day when she had to make a hard choice between a wonderful date with her love, Aiden or travel to a place and get a task done as her sister wished. She chooses the latter and they once again part away.

Flashback: Sophie and Aiden, her college love, reunite at her sisters wedding. The bitterness between them is because of their breakup after college days. Now this bitterness has turned to awkwardness. They just want to be away from each others sight and pretend as if everything is fine. After the wedding, the situation turns out in such a way that Aiden has to stay at Sophie's place for a day. Sophie isn't very comfortable with this. There is so much going on in her life. The most important event of her life, opening of her bookshop has come close. She is happy and tensed at the same time. Happy for her dream turning into reality and tensed for so many tasks to be completed before opening of the shop. Between all this, she injures her ankle badly which makes her limp. She is disheartened at the thought that she'll have to postpone the event. Aiden, however motivates her and assures her that event will happen as decided. He decides to stay back in Piper's Cove to help Sophie get the tasks done. He also takes care of her injured ankle. This togetherness sparks their lost love and make them realise that they still want to be with each other.

Fast forward: Sophie makes the hard choice and Aiden decides to leave as he thinks that Sophie is ignoring all the important things in her life under the burden of unreasonable and unrealistic expectations of her siblings and father as well. Sophie, however decided to go ahead with the event which turns out to be a grand success. People of Piper's Cove love the thought of bookshop in their town and have helped Sophie with lots of purchases.

Finally some incidents happen wherein both realise that trivial matters shouldn't shake the strong bond between them and that they can work out things between them.

Heartwarming and light read. Moreover, the theme of the book is evolving of wonderful relationship, a wave of emotions, a bookshop and a happy ending. What more do I ask as a book lover?

EDUCATED BY TARA WESTOVER

Educated by Tara Westover is a memoir of her upbringing in a crazy pack of family members who believe only in the invincible power of God and Angels. Her parents are unacceptably God fearing which results in not getting their children immunized, not visiting doctors when sick, not enrolling their kids in school, not letting them do what they want and constantly bound by the fear of punishment if they do anything not accepted by the religion. They hate the government for they 'think' that the government establishes their power on people if the people use any facilities provided by the government. They loathe any kind of government assistance.They stay at a far away hill to hide from the Government and avoid any kind of entry to the 'normal' world.The worst part is they don't even register the birth of their children. All the children are raised to believe that their parents are doing right and there is nothing wrong in all of the above. Their father forces them to work in the junkyard scraping metals and their mother wants the girls to learn the herbal ways of medications and healing. The kids are denied an opportunity to get education and be in the mainstream. Getting education is considered sinful. The members of the family, Tara's siblings and her mother all are submissive when it comes to her father's 'verdict'. Sometimes their father becomes too defensive in the name of God and religion. But no one is allowed to question his way of thought.

Tara lives 17 years of her life in the same way as chalked out by her father. But then she decides to find a way to get educated. It's very difficult for her to enter the high school as she never went to school and has never got formal education. She has only a introduction to basic books and math, and knows how to scrap metals and prepare tinctures and herbal concoctions under the label of homeschooling. But Tara is determined to step into the new world. Many a times she is at the crossroads of being a 'good' daughter of the family or diving into the totally unknown world of education, hope, and more important finding a way from ignorance, self doubt, worthlessness. She takes a latter path to get into the esteemed colleges of the world to pursue Doctorate. Finally she is Tara who finds a way of enlightenment through education.

This book was on my TBR since I heard someone bragging about it on bookstagram. But what compelled me to pick up asap is that I saw Bill Gates review this book on Goodreads.

Book review: What I Know For Sure by Oprah Winfrey

Thanks to a friend for her FB post about the book by Oprah Winfrey. When I read her post, I knew I wanted to pick this. It has gems in every single sentence. Not a binge read definitely. It is a book to be read, ruminated and re read and so on.

 

Oprah Winfrey through her book What I Know For Sure has tried giving life mantras in the simplest form as they could be. Many a times we try getting into things, understanding them in complex manner, why not choose a simple way? This book does so. A simple, straight narration of her experiences and how they shaped her life and learnings that can help us to pave our path to a beautiful end. 

Leaving here some lines that made me pause and ponder:

1. When you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance. (It will take quite a time to imbibe this) 

2. You have the choice this very moment - the only moment you have for certain. 

3. Who could I have become if I had finally done the things I always wanted to do? 

4. Books, for me, used to be a way to escape. I now consider reading a good book a sacred indulgence, a chance to be any place I choose. (A bibliophile can relate) 

5. And my number one-spiritual practice is trying to live in the present moment.. To resist projecting into the future, or lamenting past mistakes... To feel the real power of now. That my friends is the secret to a joyful life ( My score in this is ZERO or NEGATIVE may be. I really really need to work hard for this) 

6. What I know for sure is that the only way to endure the quake is to adjust your stance. You can't avoid the daily tremors. You will have to step right or left in search of new centre of gravity. 

7.When you define yourself by the things you can acquire rather than see what you really need to be happy and fulfilled, you're not just living beyond your means or overextending yourself. You're living a lie. 

 

What a book it has been!!! Each page of the 228 pages has a lesson. May be lessons for person like me who is groping most of the time😛, trying to figure out things, defining them, feeling incomplete within. (Hard confessions). Now, What I know for sure is: This book takes a place in the 'To be Re-read shelf'

BOOK SHOT : MEN WITHOUT WOMEN

Image source: My own photo captured from my phone. :D 

Book review: The Forest of Enchantments by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni (OLD REVIEW)

I have been so so late in picking up The Forest of Enchantments by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni. I had heard so much about it from booktubers and bookstagrammers. But kept on putting it off for some other time. Finally the last month of December 2020 gave me a chance to read it. And I'm so happy about it. 

Its a book about Sita. Sita's narration of life. Her life, from being a princess of Mithila to being Ram's wife and then their excile for fourteen years, being captivated by Raavan

Sita, was found, yes found by king of Janak. And king Janak and his wife loved her more than their own daughter Urmila. The sisters love each other. The fact that they are not daughters from same parents doesn't matter to them a bit.They live their childhood and youth as princesses filled with all the luxuries of love, affection and wealth too. As they grow into beautiful women and their parents aspire to get them married off, the princesses worship Parvati for finding their dream prince. Sita is blessed by King Shiva. Only someone who can pick up Shivas bow and arrow 'The HAR dhanu' can marry Sita. 

One day during their journey, Ram and Laxman happen to land in Mithila and welcomed by King Janak. Ram is a warrior and defeated the demons on the way. All the neighboring kingdoms are singing praises about Ram and Janak would be happy to get his daughter Sita to get married to Ram. The marriage ceremony takes place in presence of King Dashrath. Ram is married to Sita, Laxman to Sita sister Urmila and other two brothers of Ram to Sita's cousins. Sita and her sisters are welcomed in Ayodhya as the new princesses. Sita finds a way to be a good daughter in law amidst complicated family relationships, King Dashrath and his three wives Kaushalya, Kaikeya and Sumitra and four sons and their families.   

Kaikeya is a wicked queen and wants her son Bharath to be the King and not Ram as the kingdom of Ayodhya wants. She reminds Dashrath of his unfilled promises years ago and asks him to fulfill her wishes on the day of Ram's coronation ceremony as a King of Ayodhya.And the unfilled promises are coronating Bharath as King of Ayodhya and sending Ram in exile for 14 years!!! Laxman, his beloved brother doesn't agree to stay without his brother. So Sita and Laxman start with Ram, for a journey of 14 years in excile. 

Their journey through forests, fruits and roots as their meals and leaves as their bed and torturous struggles for living, the writer has been successful to glue you to the book. The narration is so intriguing that the plots set in front of one's eyes. The most gruesome plot of Raavan's plan to make Sita captive in Lanka makes the book unputdownable. And finally the plot of Ram, Laxman, Hanuman and the Vanarsena rescuing Sita. 

On rescue, she is looked upon as impure by people of kingdom and Ram. This gives her deep pain more pain than what she endured in Raavan's captivity. But she is destined to have this pain. She is destined to go through 'Agnipariksha'. 

Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni has amazed me with her writing so detailed and smooth, choice of words and the power to keep the reader hang in there till the last word and sets an example of an incomparable storyteller. No need to tell that TBR for 2021 will have The Palace of Illusions ☺

One thing which continuously came to my mind is the Sunday mornings during childhood, when the whole family would sit together and watch Ramanand Sagars Ramayan. May be it was glorified in the serials, may be we do not know exactly what happened, what is important is that families had Sunday breakfast together. And the families who didn't have television were invited happily to watch it. Have we lost that essence of finding happiness in small things in today's world? 

P. S. : I want to read more about Urmila, she wasn't allowed to go along with Laxman in exile. She was ordered to stay back and take care of the family. Have we ever thought what did she endure? If anyone has come across such a book please let me know. 🙂

 

New Experiment

I reviewed Manjiri Indurkar's It's all in your head, M today and I have started reading Murakami's Men without women yesterday. I'll be reviewing it by today evening or tomorrow. As 'BOOKISH COCOON' is a new start I miss my reviews on books that I have read earlier and reviewed either on facebook or my earlier blog. I have closed my earlier blog as it was not consistently updated. And also that blog brings to my mind the journey of  decade from 2010-20 which was rather painful for me. I do not wish to relive those years from my life. 

So to feel good in my cocoon and not to miss my old book reviews, I have decided to post one old book review after some new reviews until I feel like, "THIS IS IT" and I no more miss my memories of the books read or memories attached to reviewing them. I don't know whether this is going to work out or not. But as of now, the 23rd May of 2021 I wish to do it. And so I'm going to do it until I feel like. So now let me dig deep in the folder of memories to decide which old review I'm going to post. Till then I'm going back to my cocoon to live some more moments. 

BOOK REVIEW: IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD, M

Hello from my cocoon!

As updated I wasn't into reading since what happened last week. But I gathered myself and decided to start reading as nothing but reading might be able to give me some solace in this difficult time. 

So I picked up It's all in your head, M by Manjiri Indurkar. Its a fast paced read. 

The protagonist of the book M is a young lady in her twenties who is dealing with anxiety and depression. She starts narrating her story from her journey in the ambulance to an emergency room in the hospital because of the stomach illness caused by a virus. She becomes very sick and  discloses an account of her struggling mind and body. Her body has been under constant torture of pills, examinations and visits to doctors. And her mind has gone through  spells of depression, anxiety, low self esteem and discussions with therapists about these issues. 

She is always anxious when it comes to her health. Any little change in the body like a simple limb pain or an headache intimidates her and makes her anxious to a level that she thinks this is going to turn very serious and will cause her to die. She thinks she has inherited her anxiety genes from her mother and grandmother. 

M had an abusive and traumatic childhood. She was sexually abused, raped by a boy many years older than her. But she was too young to understand the horror of a abuse. She mistook this guy as the romance relation of her life.She realizes the hurt this incident has caused at a very later stage of her life. Since then she has been constantly seeking for validation from people around her mainly her relationships with the other gender. She then falls for Aditya, an NRI who is grieving his mothers loss. M tries to play the role of his friend, mother, care taker and seeks validation from him. However this relationship also ends abruptly.Next comes the guy Avi. She is truly in love with Avi but the series of not so healthy relationships continue.This guy is self obsessed to keep his interest always before M. But she, the lady who is trying to seek validation this time from Avi doesn't see it coming. Her mental health is at the brim and is about to collapse at any time. It takes her months of visits to therapist, and hell lot of courage to leave him and find a way to heal herself. 

The story also narrates various passages of her stay with her boyfriend in Delhi, visits to places there, her hometown Jabalpur, narrations of her life with her grandparents, her academics, her love for literature, her vulnerabilities and much more. In the end M leaves us with a hope that she is paving her way out of being weak, vulnerable and letting it go. 

One thing I want to share is that the author has given me something I badly needed.  This is the reproduction from the chapter where she visits a therapist to help her boyfriend. Her therapist asks that why she was taking a therapy session for a person who is not even in the country to which she replies that she wishes to help him with his grief. On this the therapist says, " This need to make others happy, this compulsion to care for others beyond 'normal'  boundaries is usually a response to trauma". This  answered many questions in my mind. 

What I feel...

Some days are very rough. Rough to the extent that I feel hopeless, helpless and my mind becomes a super super dump yard. So many thoughts travel at the speed of light. Multiple thoughts at same time. Some are born talented, some are born intelligent, some are born born with super powers, but me, I'm a born over thinker! :( 

Books have helped me in this to some extent. Sometimes books fail too. That fragile my mind has become. Sometimes it becomes so stubborn, it doesn't allow me to get over the thoughts. I have realized this past few years that overthinking creates a problem in concentration, retention and productivity. 

I am attempting not to be a over thinker. After trying a number of things and being utter failure when it comes to discipline in meditation and yoga etc. reading and listening to different things help me to stay calm for few minutes. I am trying to read to the best possible in the available time and listening to audiobooks or stories or anything which will keep my mind engaged for that particular time. Also I'm ambivert by nature. With my closest friends I go talking like a super fast engine and with others I'm like leave me alone! I'm fine being alone than be surrounded with people with whom the frequency doesn't match at all. I feel like I'm listening to a damaged cassette tape (Do you even know how does it play? Ask those born before 2000's. They know how to fix a damaged cassette with a pencil :D).

Now that I have blabbered so much what I mean to tell you that through this blog I will be sharing all that I read and listen to. I just want to share. This is going to help me I know. See I'm writing this post and I'm just typing whatever that comes to my mind and the hotchpotch is at break for a while. 

Going back in my cocoon now!!! 

Image source: The Internet 

BOOK REVIEW : 'The Beekeeper of Aleppo'

Hello from my cocoon!!!

I have started reading 'The Beekeeper of Aleppo' yesterday. I took a day off from work. I was excited to have a day for reading. I wanted to read a book on Kindle although I have loads of paperbacks there unread. I don't know what made me download 'The Beekeeper of Aleppo! It was somewhere back of my mind to lay my hands on this book. And yesterday was the day.

Believe me I traveled with Nuri Ibrahim and Afra from the town of Aleppo in Syria to England. Nuri Ibrahim is a beekeeper in Aleppo who has chosen his profession of beekeeping over his father's business of textile and fabrics. He feels he understands the bees and so do the bees. He is practicing beekeeping with his cousin Mustafa. They are living a normal life with their families and families of bees. 

And then the Syrian war happened! The town of Aleppo is demolished in the bombing. Nuri and his wife Afra lose their only son Sami in the bombing, and Afra loses her sight. What Nuri Ibrahim is left with is, a dead son, blind wife and burnt bees. When Nuri and Afra realise there is nothing left for them in Aleppo, they decide to travel to England through Turkey and Greece with the help of smugglers. Ofcourse would these immigrants make it through the legal way? 

In the meantime, Mustafa's family is already in England and Mustafa follows them. Now the journey starts for Nuri and Afra. It is their journey of hope and doubt. Some days its bright and the refugee center has a place for them on the path. Some days are as gloomy as they could be. In some refugee centers they are unwelcome. Nuri and Mustafa are in touch with each other through mails. Mustafa is hopeful of Nuri and Afra making it to England. Nuri too. But some days the obstacles give the feeling of being stuck in the refugee centre forever. 

It appears that Nuri is too strong to endure this hard journey along with his blind wife Afra. But one who appear to be too strong, are the weakest within. They just presume to be fine and blindfold themselves about the stress disorders. It is found that Nuri's physiological condition of the brain is fine but he is suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. Poor Afra feels helpless. But some acquaintances on the way support the immigrant couple. 

Finally after an arduous journey hope wins over the doubt. Mustafa is more elated than anyone to see his cousin finally making it. Nuri is as equally elated to see Mustafa. Afra finally starts seeing blur images and colors. Afterall the doctor had also diagnosed that her blindness too is a resultant of severe trauma of her sons death. 

Nuri and Afra may be hoped a little more than they doubted it, as the quote in the book says, 

:SOMETIMES WE CREATE SUCH POWERFUL ILLUSIONS, SO THAT WE DO NOT GET LOST IN THE DARKNESS".

My BOOKISH COCOON

My reading journey began somewhere in 2010. Till then it was only academics that occupied a major portion of what was read and studied. I don't remember many of the books read. Infact I tried noting them down and writing reviews of the books in my diary. However couldn't succeed in it. So many of the books couldn't be listed in Goodreads too. How do you remember the books you read and what do you follow to remember the contents of the book? Ofcourse it doesn't matter HOW many books you read, what really matters is did a book change something in you for the BETTER?

Books were a solace in the toughest of times and cheered me more in my happiness . They came in to support when some people broke my trust, they were there when I was lonely, they were there when I felt lonely in the crowd. They were there when a friend left this world, they were there when mom was severely ill. They were also there in the happy times when I got the job, when I got married. I never realized this for years. Slowly when I got to realize all of it, I decided to pen down everything I feel after I read. I have had a blog since 2010 but never posted on it consistently after job happened, and then there were numerous reasons. Then I posted on Facebook whatever I read. But however it isn't satisfying me for various reasons.

So I have decided to take up this interest of reading to a blog. I have named my blog "BOOKISH COCOON"...After all its my cocoon, I feel so safe in there...